


owed a piece of everything

by freezerjerky



Series: still you come around with scissors to cut me down [4]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: (it's weed again), Asexual Newton Geiszler, BDSM, Bondage, Communication, Light BDSM, M/M, Non-Sexual Submission, Nonverbal Communication, Recreational Drug Use, Rope Bondage, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-18 00:04:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18974995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freezerjerky/pseuds/freezerjerky
Summary: Domestic bliss conceptually sounds like a death sentence. The bliss part seems misleading, in fact. It conveys a sort of ignorance of the rest of a world and a complacency that never sat well with Newt. He didn’t even know how to begin to unpack the concept of being considered domestic, because that was a whole other issue altogether. Still, he couldn’t think of many better ways to explain the way he felt about his personal life- especially when things were going remarkably right.Now he’s been married for several years and instead of feeling annoyed or frustrated with this domestic bliss, Newt feels lucky. He’s got someone he loves to come home to (or with) in the evening and someone he wakes up next to every morning. That’s luck, something he doesn’t think he’s actually done anything to earn. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to do his very best to earn and deserve the love and joy he has. (When he voices as much to Hermann, he just shakes his head and gives him another serving of potatoes for dinner.)or familiar is not the same as boring





	owed a piece of everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BeneathSilverStars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeneathSilverStars/gifts).



> Another one for Silver- <3
> 
> There's mentions of sexual content, but no sexual content performed/in the context of scenes in this fic. Newt is written as a (mostly) sex-positive ace here and this is all about love, communication, and respect babey!!!!!!!!

Domestic bliss conceptually sounds like a death sentence. The bliss part seems misleading, in fact. It conveys a sort of ignorance of the rest of a world and a complacency that never sat well with Newt. He didn’t even know how to begin to unpack the concept of being considered domestic, because that was a whole other issue altogether. Still, he couldn’t think of many better ways to explain the way he felt about his personal life- especially when things were going remarkably right.

Now he’s been married for several years and instead of feeling annoyed or frustrated with this domestic bliss, Newt feels lucky. He’s got someone he loves to come home to (or with) in the evening and someone he wakes up next to every morning. That’s luck, something he doesn’t think he’s actually done anything to earn. That doesn’t mean he’s not going to do his very best to earn and deserve the love and joy he has. (When he voices as much to Hermann, he just shakes his head and gives him another serving of potatoes for dinner.) 

What Newt’s learning is that there’s a big difference between being bored with his life and wanting to keep things fresh. He doesn’t think he’d ever grow bored of their routines, of the life he’s crafted together with Hermann through their descent into domesticity. However, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to try new things, or constantly be reassessing the things they already do or have done. He’s tried his share of these things. Couples’ massages went over very well, with Hermann insisting they make this a regular part of their schedule. Newt does suspect that this is more due to the massage part of the couples’ massage than the couple part, but he’ll take what he can get in the situation.

The trip to the BDSM club is less invigorating, though. Hermann expresses some hesitation from the beginning, mostly because he’s a private person. Newt understands that he doesn’t want such a private part of his life, of their life, out in the open, even if those around them are trustworthy. Still, after a lengthy conversation Hermann does agree to it, because it will broaden their horizons and maybe give them inspiration for scenes in the future. More often than not, Hermann’s priority seems to be to also find things to keep their relationship fresh but also pointedly to make sure Newt is as satisfied as he can be in all facets of their shared life together. Someday Newt will analyze what it means that they’re both focused on finding ways to keep things interesting for his sake, but he’s selfish enough he’ll keep that to himself for now.

For the first few minutes in the club, Newt feels empowered. He likes the leather and the corsets and the way everyone gives him a friendly smile. He appreciates that Hermann’s dressed up for the occasion and that he has an excuse to wear his latex shorts. What he likes less is how much the BDSM scene in the club seems to be focused around sex rather than the actual letters of the acronym. Tonight is not a good night for this and he feels himself withdrawing completely from the experience.

They’ve found a seat towards the back of the club, after Hermann wiped it down with wipes, and are sitting close. (Nothing says BDSM club like a bag with Wet Wipes.)

“Are you alright, darling?” Hermann asks softly, leaning in close.

Newt shakes his head. “Really not liking all of the-”

“Yes, I wasn’t expecting this club to be so upfront with the sexual activity.” Hermann grimaces, but Newt can tell he’s partially aroused. That’s alright, Newt knows, but Newt is so far from being interested.

“I’m sort of,” Newt says, repeating himself twice. He’s made such a deal out of doing this, and it’s hardly been half an hour and they’ve spent twenty dollars each to get into the club. “I’m not really feeling comfortable with this.”

“Oh, oh.” Hermann frowns. “Do you want to see if we can get a private room?”

He hesitates for a moment and then shakes his head. “To be honest, I want to go home and change into my comfortable clothes and just...maybe not be touched for a few hours.”

“Alright.” Hermann offers a smile, genuine and concerned. Newt loves his wide smiles, the way his mouth stretches so invitingly and earnestly for Newt and Newt alone. He feels like he’s in on some secret that no one else can possibly know about. He’s honored. He’s special.

 

The moods come with an odd feeling. It’s not guilt or shame or fear. Newt’s never been able to put a name to it, it’s like he feels like society is telling him to feel badly and he doesn’t. No, he feels all the more loved when he has these days, or weeks, or months.

For the most part, Newt’s curious and willing to engage in his husband’s desire for sex. Hermann doesn’t ask too often (and even if he asked more it would be fine- they both voice their wants even when they can’t be had. Communication is the key, not delivering each other every single thing they possible could request.) At the end of the day or the week or the month, they both get what they need one way or another. This has all been about the value of careful conversation.

Newt’s tied prettily with ribbon today- a present wrapped up and left kneeling on the floor. It’s an enjoyable enough scene, usually something Newt likes when he’s feeling a bit bratty. He wants to feel like he needs to grovel at Hermann’s feet- once in a particularly filthy mood, he’d been tasked with licking along a wing tipped oxford. But that’s a particularly filthy mood, today is not one of those. Today is almost entirely intellectual. Spiritual. Emotional.

Hermann hasn’t gotten the memo, or at the very least, Hermann’s body hasn’t gotten the memo. Newt’s never been one to hold physiological responses against anyone, it’s not like he’s exactly immune from them. It doesn’t mean he’s not, on occasion, uncomfortable with these sorts of responses.

“Taffy,” Newt says, looking up at Hermann. He doesn’t make to move yet.

“Taffy?” Hermann asks, but he’s not asking if they’re going to stop. He’s asking Newt to explain, which he will in time. Kneeling down carefully, he works on unraveling the ribbon and making sure Newt can move comfortably and freely.

Slowly, Newt rises to his feet, reaching for the shirt he’s discarded about ten minutes prior to pull it on. “Can you ah-” Newt begins. “Can you put your clothes on too?”

“Of course.” Hermann strides over to where his own things are folded. He looks moderately concerned and Newt gives him a smile to quell his potential nervousness.

“I'm just not in the mood for...the sexy bits,” Newt begins. “And I know you don't mind going without it but I'm just- it's still gonna be there when we're doing the scene and it's been a long day and I don't want to have to worry about your dick and I-”

“It's fine, Newton,” Hermann responds. “There will be other nights. Let's unwind in another way, hmm?”

There's still a part of Newt that's skeptical every time this happens. He loves Hermann and he knows Hermann loves him, but Newt is very used to having his way and he can only imagine it's frustrating for Hermann when they start something and then don't end in the way they'd hoped. Instead of looking frustrated, the bastard has the nerve to smile at him and kiss his forehead. How can one person be so in tune to someone else’s insecurities?

“Are you certain?” Newt asks.

“Of course.”

Newt thinks Hermann, holding his grandpa pants, looks like the most handsome man in the world. In that moment Newt thinks he’d do most anything for him, but that’s largely because Hermann doesn’t ask anything of him. Except maybe love, and he gives that freely and openly.

“Can we get high?” Newt ventures. 

For a few moments Hermann looks like he's mulling it over, but then he shrugs and Newt takes that as the victory it is. They both slip back into their comfortable clothes and move to the living room. (Hermann has a rule about smoking in the bedroom after Newt almost burned their bed. Despite his insistence that the same could happen to the couch, Hermann remains firm.)

It's not until they're comfortably on the couch with Hermann's pipe that Hermann resumes the conversation. Newt always knows this is coming, the talk about what went wrong in a scene. Sometimes, they talk about what went right, or something of a mix between the two. Despite the fact that this is a very regular part of their lives, there's almost always a conversation afterwards. Like the repetitiveness of domestic bliss, Newt feels like he should be bored of this or find it redundant. Instead it makes him feel safe. Cherished. Loved. He knows neither of them are taking this part of their life together for granted and value it as much as when they started so many years ago.

“There was nothing else beyond the sexy bits, as you said, that bothered you about that right?” Hermann asks, taking the glass piece from a coughing Newt. Damn asthma gets in the way now and then.

“Just wasn't in the mood to deal with your dick,” Newt says. “Or any dick. Or anything to do with that.” Most days, he's at least curious from a scientific perspective, if not curious from a “Hermann likes this so I’ll indulge him a little bit” perspective. Today, his stomach turns a bit at the idea. It's not an off day or an on day, it's just a type of day Newt has.

“Understandable,” Hermann replies. His tone conveys that he knows that he won't fully understand this part of Newt ever, but he's always found it to be reasonable and normal. He doesn’t need to understand a person fully to understand that they can be however they like. Hermann doesn't deserve to be applauded for this, Newt knows this should be standard in a romantic partner, but that doesn't mean he isn't relieved and happy to be married to such a compassionate person.

What Newt really appreciates, though, is that Hermann doesn't apologize. He doesn't coddle Newt or act like he's done something horrifically wrong. Newt wants Hermann to feel comfortable expressing his desires both sexual and otherwise. It's more important to practice informed consent than to act like it's possible to get their desires and urges in line. (As though there’s any one right way for any of that to function.) After all, a marriage is made out of a lot of moving parts and this is only a fraction of the things that make their relationship great. (Hermann's said before that he thinks they're doing far better on all fronts than any other couples he knows and Newt's inclined to agree.)

“Can we watch some nature shit?” Newt asks, snaking an arm around Hermann's mid section. He’s always so cold in a way that makes it suddenly Newt’s top priority to make sure he’s warm. Hermann does not lean too heavily into it, likely mindful of Newt’s request to not be touched too much at the moment.

“Planet Earth?”

“That sounds like heaven, babe.” Newt grins at him and lets Hermann choose which episode they watch. For some reason, Hermann has a healthy disdain for any episode that focuses too heavily on polar bears. There’s no need to question Hermann’s eccentricities. 

“Heaven? Now you’re just being over indulgent to my whims.”

Rolling his eyes, Newt presses a kiss to Hermann’s shoulder, through his t-shirt. Hermann hums and passes over the pipe but for a moment Newt’s too lovestruck to bother. This, Newt knows, is the absolute epitome of domestic bliss; high as a kite watching a bower bird trying to attract a mate. They should package this and sell it as the new ideal.

 

Admittedly, Newt’s probably a bit old to be faking sick. It’s one of those mornings, though, when he’s woken up and Hermann’s already left for work and he doesn’t see any reason for leaving bed for a few hours. He’s not even teaching that day, so he’d be sitting at his desk doing lecture planning which is about the worst thing he could imagine doing that day. Or he could do planning from home and enjoy some alone time. Or he could do no planning from home and enjoy some  _ alone  _ time. 

When he texts Hermann that he’s not coming in for work, Hermann immediately offers to come back home. Newt does think it over for a few long moments. Hermann might be upset if he finds out he’s faking and then Hermann came home for nothing. Or it could be an enjoyable time for both of them. No, it’s best that he lets Hermann work for the day. Newt’s fairly certain his day ends around three and no doubt he’ll head home as soon as he’s able in order to come home to his loving and not actually ill husband. Some other day he can be coddled and indulged by the love of his life, today he has to settle for coddling himself.

He spends most of his day in bed, scrolling through his emails to make sure nothing urgent has come in overnight at first, and then idly checking for entertainment. (Bored at home is so, so, so much better than being bored at work.) His fall into the pit of viral videos is inevitable and ends with him looking up some rope tying videos he’d watched with Hermann a few nights prior. (Hermann has playlists, massive amounts of videos that are hours and hours long of shibari ropes or ribbons or whatever seems safest and most beautiful. He’s organized them, he’s internalized them. These videos have been a part of Hermann’s life for well over a decade. Newt suspects that if Hermann wanted to, he could make a few of these videos himself.)

Newt ends up chasing the rabbit down a hole of watching people’s attempts at tying theirselves up. Suddenly the discontent that he’s felt in his stomach all morning, the feeling that had led him to take this day for himself, takes a new shape. It’s been a few days since they’ve had a completed scene, especially after their aborted attempt a few days prior. Hell, he thinks it may be a week. Or even two. They’ve gone longer, Newt knows. Couples often go even longer than this, especially when they’re busy people who lead their own individual lives. But Newt fears that stagnation, he truly does. He loves the routine they’ve built together, true enough, but what if that routine suddenly goes away or changes too much? At least, though, if Newt becomes bored he knows it’s because he’s always seeking entertainment, something to keep him occupied.

If Hermann becomes bored though...what does this mean? Newt freezes for a moment at the thought. Does it mean he’s a bad submissive? Or worse, a bad husband? What if Newt’s given all he can and there’s no more to give and it won’t be enough. What if everything falls horrifically spectacularly apart and he’s left adrift. Hermann, he knows, will always be there for him in some capacity, Newt would have to make an irredeemable error for Hermann to leave him or end this. But things could end, nonetheless. People fall out of love all the time, almost as easily as they fall into love. Newt’s only been in love once, though, and he doesn’t know how easy or willing he’d be to go through this soul bearing process again. It’s mortifying, in its way, to be this bare and raw and exposed to one person and one person only. Despite the reality that he could be happy with someone else, something he knows and even believes, he doesn’t want to think of it as a possibility. He worked too damn hard to lose his happily ever after.

God, what he needs is to give his thoughts over to someone else. He wishes in that moment that he had told Hermann to come home, had asked him to get into their car and drive right back to their well lived in apartment and take him apart. But that level of dependence isn’t good either, right? He doesn’t want to be needy, he wants to be needed. But he needs something, he needs to find a way out of this headspace or else Hermann will come home to a complete mess of a man and that’s the last thing either of them needs.

 

Newt spends about an hour just trying to find a video that’s on his skill level. The last thing he needs is for his circulation to be cut off and to die alone with no hands. He’s assuming it would be that extreme, though most of these are designed to be easily released, and while they’re recommended for use with supervision, should theoretically be fine to use alone. If nothing else, he can use the Alexa (their overlord, Hermann said several times, eyeing it suspiciously) to call for help or call to tell Hermann his parting words of love. Worst case scenario, he ends up uncomfortable for a while until an ambulance comes to save him or Hermann comes home. He’s not sure what’s worse, explaining that he’s doing BDSM related acts alone or getting scolded by Hermann for putting his life at risk. One is harsher, but happens more often. If anything, it’ll be like old times, getting yelled at by Hermann for a safety hazard. They haven’t had any sort of fight in ages, despite their frequent disagreements.

He wants Hermann to come home, regardless, and it feels like a selfish want. An absurd one, but he’s feeling insecure. He needs to make himself feel more secure.

The video he chooses he watches through a few times, just to make sure everything’s alright. He goes through a few trial runs alongside the video, untying them safely after keeping everything loose. In the end, he decides on a combination of some of the thicker ribbon across his chest- this is decorative and will be a pretty picture when Hermann comes home, and the ropes for actual restraints, because they’re more easily undone.

His own hands are not capable of the tender care he’s used to in these moments. He cannot stop and give himself a kiss or check the bonds twice and ask if everything’s alright. It’s still a weighty comfort, nonetheless, and something he could practice more. This thing’s not the same alone, but that doesn’t mean it’s without value simply because it’s without partner. It means just that, that there’s no partner to support him in these moments. But there’s someone who’s a phone call away, he’s established this. He could wait, maybe, but he needs this relief now, to be restrained in his body and his mind. There’s no rule out there against someone taking care of their own needs on occasion.

There’s a warm feeling in the pit of his stomach as Newt inspects the knotwork across his chest, the black ribbons leaving bold trails over his tattooed skin. It doesn’t have the same geometric flair as when Hermann does it, and some of the spaces are crooked or uneven, but he’s very impressed for a first try. The functionality of it is far more important than the aesthetics, anyway. He feels more secure already. He’s half tempted to send Hermann a picture, but then he’s reminded of how lovely it will be for Hermann to come home to his husband trussed up and waiting for him, even if the bow Newt’s tied is more than a little bit lopsided.

The rest of the restraints, tying his own arms, is a bit more difficult, and he ends up using his mouth to secure the knots. He’s tested this a few times, knows he can easily pull it, and leaves it just a smidge more loose than he would if Hermann had done it, or if Hermann was home at the very least. In the first moment, he feels that instinctive panic that comes with being tied, the fear that he doesn’t have control of his body or limbs. But then he melts into that feeling, knows this is exactly what he craves. There’s still some time until Hermann comes home, even if he heads home as soon as his day is done, and Newt wants to take a long while to indulge in this level of snug security. It’s the same level of indulgence of slipping into bed on a night when the sheets are newly washed or running his fingers through Hermann’s hair after he’s freshly buzzed the back.

Among the many things he feels, he almost has the urge to take a nap, which means he feels as safe as he possibly can in the circumstances.

It’s highly possible Hermann’s entrance isn’t subtle in the least, but Newt doesn’t notice it. He’s not sure if he’s actually dozed off, or he’s just drifting into some comfortable subspace. For a few moments he questions why he even needs a dom to do this, with his insistent dick and his commands, and then he hears Hermann’s voice and something in him understands fully.

“Newton? How are you feeling, darling? I brought some wonton soup for dinner,” Hermann says from the living room. “Are you still in the bedroom?”

Newt vocalizes an affirmative but doesn’t actually say anything. Hermann would come looking for him regardless. For the moment, Newt’s probably too comfortable to actually use his words. He chooses instead to wait comfortably where he’s seated for Hermann’s arrival.

When Hermann peers around the doorway, Newt’s face lights up. He feels giddy about it, the prospect of still being in love with someone so wonderful. It dawns on him then how lucky he is, how lucky they both are. So many couples in their situation could not readily say they are still in love, even if they love each other deeply. The sight of Hermann can still give Newt the same butterflies he had all those years ago when they’d been writing letters. Now, though, the feeling is comfortable, it’s like a worn in and well used pair of boots. It’s his favorite Doc Martens, reliable and cool and something he feels like himself in, no matter the situation. The fluttering in his stomach is a feeling that’s so closely related to this concept of home.

“Darling, what have you done?” Hermann asks, his tone childing but fond.

“Thought I’d keep myself occupied,” Newt responds. He’s no longer drifting off to something like subspace, but he knows it wouldn’t take much to get him back there. But there’s only so much longer before he starts to get numb. He lifts his arms in front of him as though attempting to wave hello.

“You weren’t even sick at all, were you?”

Newt shrugs as best as he can, which isn’t very much at all. The contradiction of Newt, who is usually a flurry of limbs, being restrained, is always amusing. “Sometimes you just need the time to not be at work.”

“I offered to come home for you!” Hermann exclaims, sitting on the edge of the bed. He’s definitely not angry enough for any of this to mean anything, but it still must be said.

“And I declined the offer, so I think we’re more than even.”

“Did you at least do this all properly?” 

Hermann leans over, inspecting the rope and ribbons, making sure the knotwork is secure and safe, testing both the give and how easily Newt could slip through. His face shifts from concern to relief to something like pride in a matter of a few moments and Newt finds himself beaming. Judging by the fact that Hermann is not immediately breaking him free, he must have done at least moderately well. And this is only a first attempt! He cannot imagine how successful he could be with a little help for the future.

“It’s not aesthetically appealing,” Hermann admits, “but it’s not terrible for an early attempt. You definitely don’t have the best mastery of symmetry, but overall it’s well done.”

“Oh, high praise from you, babe. Do you want to help me?”

“With what?” Hermann asks. “Getting this off of you or…”

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind a bit of a scene, if you’re offering. But I also don’t want the soup to get cold.”

“The soup will be fine. It’s too early for dinner, anyway.” Hermann leans down and kisses Newt’s mouth, then his chin, then his nose. “I’ve missed you all day, my sweetest darling, and now you’re trussed up all pretty for me.”

Newt watches as Hermann shrugs out of his blazer, laying it aside on the bed. There’s something charming but also ridiculous when Hermann ends up in his actual clothes for a scene. More often than not, they’re partially undressed or in their night things. Sometimes, one or both of them will be in lingerie. Here Hermann is, though, in his oddly fitting pants, as Newt’s blissfully almost naked on their bed. These moments serve as a reminder of how little they can separate any of the parts of their lives from the other. They work together, they live together, they share many intimacies with each other.

In a moment, Hermann’s demeanor shifts. He’s still his usual self, but his tone, his very posture seems to shift into something different but equally familiar.

“Now, I don’t think I gave you permission to start a scene without me, you know.” Hermann winks and then pinches Newt’s left nipple. “So even with this pretty present here, I think you’ll need some sort of punishment.”

“Punishment? For doing all the hard work for you?” Newt smirks.

“No backtalk.”

“Yes, sir,” he answers, cheekily.

“Say it like you mean it next time, Newton. Brats don’t get treated nicely, do they?”

“Maybe I don’t want you to be nice.”

“Oh, but I want to be nice to you, don’t you know? I’ve got a lovely gift for you that I’ve been saving for such a long time.”

“Is this a joke about your dick?” Newt chuckles and Hermann has to bite his lip to keep from laughing as well.

“Can you move much in those ropes?” Hermann asks, changing the subject because he’s above humoring Newt in these moments.

It turns out Newt can move enough to be properly manhandled and if that doesn’t prompt absurd anime school level heart eyes for him, he’s truly not sure what would. There’s something so alarming and so attractive about Hermann’s strength. It’s well earned, it’s not meant to show off, it’s simply a natural part of him that through years of physical therapy, he has rather strong arms. It’s just a little bit...sexy (if Newt’s honest with himself) that he can and will use it to move Newt however he sees fit. He’s done it in the bedroom and at the grocery store and on occasion when he’s moving too slowly getting ready in the morning.

He ends up over Hermann’s lap with his arms spread in front of him, and the position is not the most comfortable, but it’s a bit of a relief to change the position. He knows he won’t be expected to be like this for too long.

“Now, I don’t want you to talk unless you need to, understood?” Hermann asks. “You may nod or shake your head in response.”

Newt nods.

“Can I pull your boxers down?”

Newt nods again and Hermann wastes no time in doing so. He runs his hand across the newly exposed skin, taking the time to explore and squeeze. For a moment Newt thinks he can almost feel the palpable hesitation, the moment when Hermann debates pinching his ass. But oh, Hermann is clearly above that. Then, he gives a small smack. Newt yelps, and earns another because of it.

“That does count as talking, I’m afraid. Now, there will be ten more, and I want you to be quiet and very good, understood?”

Of course Newt nods, a bit too eagerly. Or is there such a thing as being too eager under these circumstances? It’s not really something he’s allowed himself to think through. And then the questioning fades away with the sting of another hit on bare skin. It’s sharp, but deliberate, practiced. It’s not just that Hermann is careful with this, but Hermann knows Newt’s body very well. He knows how to leave him red but not raw, sore but not hurting.

Sometimes there’s the worry that knowing someone means life can become boring. It means you know they like candle wax or making you do math for a scene or that their favorite ice cream is chocolate chip mint. But sometimes that exact thing means you have the pleasure of sharing the joy of their favorite things with them for the rest of their lives. Novelty means nothing when it becomes hollow, and no moment of Newt’s life with Hermann has felt repetitive enough that he’s wished it away.

He’s brought out of his head by a particularly sharp slap. It’s enough that there will be a red mark, but he trusts not too much, enough he’ll still be comfortable later that night even. Newt’s not precisely sure how far along they are, how many blows have been delivered, but he doesn’t care. He’s in trusted hands.

When Hermann finishes, rubbing a gentle hand over the marks, Newt turns up to smile at him. Hermann’s face melts away from its stern expression for a few moments and Newt realizes he must be giving Hermann the look of a lovesick idiot. It’s a look that in their regular life, Hermann would tease him for, mercilessly. Only the teasing would usually be met with kisses and sometimes laughter. (Laughter, perhaps, was not correct. They giggled, like schoolchildren with a sacred secret. But this wasn’t a secret. This was the most open thing of all in their lives. In the right mood, Hermann would openly admit to being a giggling fool when in the company of his husband.)

With the assistance of Hermann, he’s moved up and adjusted so that he’s on his knees on the bed, facing towards the foot of the bed. Hermann stands, leaning heavily on his cane, for a few moments. Newt wonders if his legs were not a bit numb from the spanking. Newt’s not exactly a light load to be moving about and always holding in his lap, but Hermann always does so willingly and with an eager adoration. The expression on Hermann’s face at that moment is all too familiar, he’s unsure of what to do next, but trying to look like he has a clue. Trying to always be a step ahead when more often than not, the two of them are on the same page. And there’s far from anything wrong with that.

“I’m going to touch you, but I don’t want you to talk yet, understood?” Hermann says, when he rejoins Newt on the bed.

The urge to talk suddenly bubbles forward, though. Hermann’s been home for a while and Newt hasn’t been able to share fully about his day, or share his day with Hermann. Even though it’s filled with mundane things, even if he’s simply going to hear about Hermann lesson planning and eating a mediocre lunch he bought at the student union. He wants to hear about Hermann’s obnoxious department chair, or the student who tries to flirt with him after every class, despite the not so subtle hints that Hermann is gay, married, and not interested in his students. But Newt doesn’t protest, instead he nods and exhales when Hermann brings a hand to his shoulder.

There’s no particular rhyme or reason to the ribbons, but Hermann’s fingers seem to follow a trail of his design, around the back, then to the front. He dips his fingers in, rubbing soothingly in places. He teases Newt’s nipples and the most ticklish spots of his stomach. There’s the appreciative squeeze of Newt’s love handles where they bulge slightly out from the knotwork. Newt squirms a bit when they trail to his inner thighs, sensitive and sweet spot that is. There’s the lightest tap on his ass, a warning from moving too much and Newt wonders if ten slaps was enough or if he should have been spanked longer. Maybe with a paddle.

It’s become an ingrained thing, Newt realizes, the lack of fear at the touch, the way he’s melting into it all. He wants so badly to talk to Hermann, but he knows he’ll have time. And more importantly, he knows he doesn’t need to talk to him to be safe in his hands. The non-verbal cues are important and the trust they’ve built throughout the course of their relationship has been paramount. Usually, when Newt drifts away, he’s alone, in his own private space he’s carved out in his head.

Sometimes, like today, Hermann is pointedly there with him. This is their space that they share together, not just the literal, but the emotional, and the sensual. There’s only the awareness of their bodies, the heat underneath rope or ribbon or clothes. He doesn’t even notice the careful unwinding of the ribbons across his torso. While he feels the relief of no longer being restrained, there’s also the acknowledgement that he’s always safely bound. Secure. There’s the occasional kiss, small and sweet, placed along his body and this he feels more firmly, a manifestation of a lifetime of promises. It’s another form of bondage, something he’s chosen even more willingly and even more eagerly. When he’s old and can’t manage this, or if he does become bored of this part of his life, of their life, he’ll always have the tenderness at the core of loving someone. That’s all the more he can ask for.

Newt comes back to a full awareness when the ropes are undone from his arms, when he can focus on the reverent kisses Hermann places to both wrists before relinquishing them, only to take the right one in his hand and rub gently at it.

“You may speak now,” Hermann instructs, but Newt doesn’t just yet. He wants to have the liberty of basking, of taking a few blissful moments in the aftermath to simply enjoy and feel what he’s just experienced.

Instead of talking, he leans in for a soft kiss. It lingers, just a moment too long, and they stay perfectly still in sharing their moment with each other.

“Thank you for that,” Newt says, when he finally finds his voice to speak.

“I didn’t do much today, you’d already seemed to have your fun,” Hermann responds as he carefully wraps both the ribbon and the rope back up. He’s got a whole system in the closet, boxes and bins and things hanging. There’s drawers dedicated to this, but it’s all tucked away.

“I always feel happiest doing things with you,” Newt defends, letting himself fall to the bed. “It’s better when you’re here. Even if you’re just watching or touching. But it’s best when you’re actively involved.”

“Yes, yes.” Hermann finally removes his shoes, realizing he’d never done so upon arrival home. He places they neatly alongside the bed. “Was this your intention for today?”

Newt throws his arm over his face. “Nah, just got kind of bored and felt...untethered, I guess.” He doesn’t need to have his eyes opened to know that Hermann is frowning at him.

“I’d have preferred you practised this with supervision before doing it on your own.” Hermann swallows hard. “You could have hurt yourself.”

“I was being safe, I tested them a bunch.”

“I’m sure you did. And I want you to feel free to do what you wish with your time and your body but-” He pauses.

“But?”

“Taking care of you in that way is my responsibility and for you to do this, I worry about you still. And I worry there’s something I’m not doing for you.”

This is new, Newt thinks. The wavering of insecurity. Usually he’s the one who experiences some level of insecurity in their relationship, it’s how he’s wired to view his human connections, his romantic relationships. He doesn’t like being on this side of things, knowing that Hermann feels that he’s falling short.

“No, trust me.” Newt shakes his head as he sits up. “I actually wanted to call you and tell you to come home, but that felt sort of like a trivial reason.” He leans forward, pressing his forehead to Hermann’s shoulder. “But I knew you’d come home to finish the job. I needed you to come home to finish the job, I was being patient and waiting is all. Trying to be good for you, right?”

Hermann snakes an arm around his midsection and they stay like that for a few moments, just being in each other’s space.

“If you’re going to practice shibari on yourself, I’d prefer if you let me supervise for the next few times. I can’t stop you from this, of course, but I want to know you’re...doing everything correctly. And I can care for you if you need it.”

“Alright.” Newt nods. When he pulls away, he places a kiss where his forehead was. 

“I also would appreciate some forewarning, even if it’s a text. Today was a fortunate day that I was in a mood where this was enjoyable for me, but I worry what would happen if I was truly not in the mood to proceed, or if you had a particular need that I was not able to deliver.”

“Yeah, of course. It’s a one time thing.” Newt smiles at him. “Did you say you had a present for me? Or was it just the soup? Because soup is good too, but you made it sound like it was something a bit nicer than soup.”

Hermann rolls his eyes, but leans over to the nightstand, pulling it open. He removes a smallish box and hands it to Newt without much ado. There’s a faint blush on his cheeks, which makes him look charmingly younger than his age. Newt wastes no time in opening the box, gasping at the item inside: a black leather collar, nothing too elaborate, but still an excellently made piece. He’s had a few tacky or novelty ones in the past, but nothing of this quality. This is something he could wear for longer than the duration of a scene, in fact this is something that’s designed to wear for longer than the duration of a scene.

“I suppose if you want to feel a bit of me when I’m not around you could-” Hermann attempts to explain.

“We do already have the wedding bands,” Newt teases.

“Do you want this or not?”

“I do!” Newt eagerly thrusts the collar at Hermann so he can help fit it properly.

“They had funny ones too,” Hermann explains, leaning in to carefully fasten the piece. He slides a finger underneath it to make sure it’s not too tight. There’s no bite. “I thought about getting you one that said brat on it, but that seemed crass.”

“Mm, but I am your brat, aren’t I?” Newt gives a cheeky grin over his shoulder before turning around to face him properly.

Laughing, Hermann grips his chin. “Oh, that you certainly are.” He pulls him in for a kiss then.

“So we can get another that says that?” Newt asks against his mouth.

“I just bought you a very nice thing and now you’re asking for something else?”

“You’re the one who’s calling me a brat, I’m just living up to the nickname.”

Hermann rather dramatically shakes his head. “Put some clothes on, we’re going to eat dinner and then we can talk about it.”

“That sounds like a resoundingly excited yes to me.”

He doesn’t say anything else about it, but after they’ve eaten their dinner and put leftovers away, Newt’s found a few new items he wants and has placed an order. Most of the items, admittedly, are for Hermann, but it’s only fair. Doms need to be indulged as much as their subs every now and then. All Newt wanted was another collar.

 

Of all the facial expressions Hermann is capable of making, confusion is probably Newt’s favorite. He’s generally in a good mood today, they both are, due to a late wake up and a rush of endorphins in the morning, but this moment’s confusion is charmingly cross.

“I don’t understand how you fucked it up this badly, Newton,” Hermann says, peering up at him over his reading glasses. 

“That knot sure is uh. Knotted.” Newt holds out his wrists with the level of reliance on Hermann he’s used to.

“And now you see why I didn’t want you performing complicated shibari ropework on yourself alone, correct?”

“Because you’re a greedy man who wants your hands all over me,” Newt states, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

“I’ve had enough of that today, actually. Hit my quota.”

“Give a guy one blowjob and he acts like he’s king of the fucking world, huh?”

Hermann jabs Newt’s stomach then, not enough to hurt in the least. It tickles. “I think that could be said about you.”

Newt’s glad he no longer feels grateful that Hermann doesn’t question anything about their sex life, or lack of at times. He’s glad it’s just another normal part of their shared life together, of their familiar patterns they fall into with each other and will continue to discover and change together. He’s also just glad that Hermann gets so adorably whiny in the moment, which is really what he does it for, but that’s his secret to take to the grave. It’s a poorly kept secret, but there’s no reason for it to ever move farther than the two of them.

“Oh, shut up and untie me,” Newt quips.

“You’re usually saying the opposite to me.” 

The current attempt is wedging a pencil between the ribbons to get them loose enough to pull free, but it’s easier said than done to wiggle a pencil in. Hermann’s offered to just cut it at least three times, but at this point Newt is determined to get it undone on principle alone. So they persist. The video they were watching continues to play in the background, a rather chipper sounding twenty something working on restraining herself.

“Maybe if I’m stuck like this forever, that means you have to do all of the errands. And I can’t work anymore,” Newt observes.

Hermann only glares at him and waits before speaking. “I would miss your hands, you give excellent back massages and I enjoy the benefits of a dual income household.”

“Kinda fucked up that we helped save the world and still both have to work in order to afford to live.”

“Technically, if we didn’t still have debts to pay off, one of us could work part-time but…”

“I was spending irresponsibly because I thought the world was going to end. Sue me.”

“Honestly, we should be lucky you didn’t just let the world end so you didn’t have to pay off all of that, hmm?” Hermann furrows his brow and tries to concentrate more firmly on the knot.

Finally, the knot is loosened enough that Hermann can safely remove it. As he usually does, he takes a few moments to rub Newt’s arms and wrists and check to make sure there’s no chafing or anything more serious. Newt wants to insist that he’s fine, but he also knows this checking is an important part of the process.

“I’m free,” Newt says. “Thank you.” He kisses Hermann quickly and attempts to find the spot in the video where everything went horrifically wrong. Hermann looks wary about resuming at all, but allows Newt to proceed with a different rope. This time it’s successful.

Despite the fact that he did nothing but supervise, Hermann looks oddly proud of Newt. It’s not to his level of artistry, but it’s looking better.

“You look like a pretty picture, Newton,” Hermann says. Newt watches the way his eyes trail from Newt’s face to his neck (he’s wearing his collar), down to his arms. He feels pride in inspiring such a pleased look.

“Have you ever thought about being a submissive?” Newt asks, when his mind wanders to how pretty Hermann would look in a collar. “I mean not long term, but for a scene.”

“Not particularly, no. Why, are you interested in domming?”

“Not just anyone.” Newt laughs, a bit nervous at the thought both of domming at all but especially someone else.

Hermann tests the ropes then, pleased with the amount of give. “As I’ve told you before, I’ve only done scenes with one previous partner, so while i enjoy this it’s been in response to someone else’s needs or wants.”

“But would you consider it?” Newt holds out his arms expectantly and sure enough Hermann starts to undo the knotwork.

“I’m not sure if I’m capable of giving up that level of control, to be honest. I know it’s the submissive who is actually in control of the dominant but…”

“You like to call me a brat and boss me around.”

There’s a warning look then, but it doesn’t actually warn Newt at all. It only reaffirms that he’s telling the truth. Newt rubs at his wrists and up his arms. They feel good.

“I’d consider it,” Hermann says at length. “I did find it not unpleasant when I have been restrained, and I think if nothing else we’d get a good laugh out of it.”

“I’m not interested in like...a major role reversal. What we do is a part of my self-care routine and I can’t imagine preferring it the other way but, I don’t know. I’d like to give you what you give me.”

“A hard time?” Hermann jokes, largely to deflect from the soft expression on his face.

Instead of teasing back or arguing, Newt leans in for a kiss. It’s the type of kiss that’s so easy to melt into, to fade completely into. He wonders what the likelihood of Hermann letting him do this all day, without end. But he knows that’s not feasible, even with his enthusiasm for this, he’s got a short attention span. And there’s only so long until there’s something else he wants or needs to do. But that’s not an issue. They always have more time for kissing.

“I’m very happy with you,” Newt says when he finally pulls away. “I know that’s like...that sounds horribly out of place, but I think it needs said.”

“In which way exactly?” Hermann replies.

“Every way. I’d always imagined, you know, you grow up, fall in love, find someone to pop out some kids or get a dog with and that’s fun and great but that’s not really me. And if I had that I’d have been so fucking bored, and I was worried any of this would bore me out of my mind but if I’m honest with myself, this is the most exciting time of my life.”

The soft expression on Hermann’s face then is impossible to hide and for a moment, he looks like he just might cry, but he saves himself.

“What I’m hearing, Newton, is that you want a dog, correct?”

“Nah, you’re much more of a cat person.”

The only natural action to follow this is a kiss, and everything else afterwards falls beautiful into place.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on twitter @ newtguzzler and tumblr @ pendragoff


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